February 4th 2021.
We have just passed Ground Hog Day, this year’s half way point between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox, an astrological phenomenon. Humanity continues being tested, as we withstand and out-wait the astounding grip a tiny virus holds on us.
Shoving egos aside, many of us take ample precautions and stay away from social life as we’ve known it; in an effort to protect health care workers, doctors, nurses and those vulnerable to the deadly microbe.
Others don’t think twice and travel between continents, happily spreading what they believe won’t affect them, in the process not caring about the rest of us. Because they think they can. And because they can. Sadly I must be judgemental here, perhaps sarcastic.
So, after almost a year of solitude, this situation is vowing to change a person..
One begins questioning the all round purpose of one’s existence as a musician.
A.) Getting together with other musicians is out of question and against personal and collective morals.
B.) Planting oneself in front of the cell phone camera to share a tune or two on social media seems bizarre and pointless, especially when performing live music has been the joy in one’s life. It-simply-feels-WRONG.
So, one arrives at a point of desperation, moving things around in the music room studio to help create an atmosphere of newness, hope and inspiration.
Then, one is working on new ideas and polishing up old ideas ~ for what??
A question finally creeps up.. a question one had hoped never to ask oneself after 45 years of musical enthusiasm:
WHY am I doing this??
Right. We played music because we enjoyed working on our musical craft for hours, days, years until we finally felt good about what we had to offer and ventured out to present it to audiences everywhere.
Now ~ here it comes and I tell you what:
Personally, the virus has sent me onto a musical roller coaster more confusing than the one I had been on already.
Amongst happy days, doubtful days and euphoric hope, something amazing is magically unfolding:
Willingness to confront oneself.
Willingness to take off blinders.
Willingness to confront lifelong Angst.
Willingness to sway off the beaten path.
Willingness to learn new skills.
Willingness to accept less.
Willingness to do more.
Willingness to understand the childhood.
Willingness to be content.
Note: Falling off the wagon in anger & frustration!
Willingness to fish the bucket list out of the bucket and actually do something about something.
Willingness to learn utter patience.
Willingness to abuse oneself drinking alcohol.
Willingness to give up alcohol.
Willingness to see the value in Yoga, after years of brushing it off, pretending not to have time.
Willingness to blossom, painful as it may be.
Willingness to break down in private, willingness to rise with a better understanding...
Willingness to be willing.
Willingness for Self Care with out Guilt (biggy).
How are you coping?